That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
