I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
only if we run a train.
done.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize