The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
