I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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