Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
