That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
