You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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