it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
