well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
