shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
