Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
