I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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