Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's like iHOP with fire
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
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