I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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