I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
