if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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