When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
