i already hear my dad disowning me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
