I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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