That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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