This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
