I can tuck mytits in my pants
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
