he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
This is the high leading the old right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
