We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
