her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
