Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
