Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
