so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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