i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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