I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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