Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
