Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
