Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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