can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
