even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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