I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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