Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
