I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
