You really coming over, don't trick.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
