Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
