the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
