Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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