he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
