Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
