just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
