you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
