I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She even gives head with a lisp.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
