...so i touched it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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