I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
