I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize