I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize