I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
