That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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