Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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