Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize