I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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