Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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