i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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