I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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