that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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