I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize